omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
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i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
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ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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