I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
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Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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