so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
