Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
