You just made me feel so damn special
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
