thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
