you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize