i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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