I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
