Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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