i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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