is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
