3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
