You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
