ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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