I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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