Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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