Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
