the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
