i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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