i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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