I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
