I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize