im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
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Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄