i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
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Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.