A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
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Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.