thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
