dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
