i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
