I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
