Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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