True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
