Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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