that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
