found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
