im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
