I'm gonna have a badass scar
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
