Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
