Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
