After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
