i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
