there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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