he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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