We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
