You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
