True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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