I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
