do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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