i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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