Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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