That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
