we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
