Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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