a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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