If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
