She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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