my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
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I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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