I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
