When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
