I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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