why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
