Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
