brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
