Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
