Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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