I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
