I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
