Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I intend to get homeless drunk
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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