i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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