JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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