THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
