So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
