Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
