I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
