we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
