dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So much rum. So many feels.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
