just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
