NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
