don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
