I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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