definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
