I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We are all done wearing pants today
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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