It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
