you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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