Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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