Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
