My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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