i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
