I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
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He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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