my sisters under your porch take her home
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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