I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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